Games You Can Play While Riding the SEPTA Bus

The daily bus ride home gets tedious for all who ride SEPTA, myself included. Things get ten times worse in the summer when everyone smells worse. I know that anything I can do to make my ride a little more amusing is always a big plus. That's why I came up with this list of fun games to play in your head during your daily commute. Think of it as my gift to you.

-       How Far Into West Philly Will We Get Before the Last White Person Gets Off?

-       Who Farted?

-       Is The Yelling Guy Behind Me On His Phone or Just Rambling to Himself? (It’s cheating if you turn around and look; it’s actually probably a risk to your personal safety as well.)

-       What/Who Would I Hide Behind if Gunfire Rang Out?

-       Did The Guy Pick The Aisle Seat Just to Be a Dick, or Because There’s Something Sticky On The Window Seat? (This one is less a game for your amusement and more one of strategy.)

-       Who Owns the Bike on the Front of the Bus? (This game requires at least 3 white people to be on board, or at least 2 if YOU’RE not white. If there’s only one other white person on board, it’s no fun.)

-       Does She Really Have A Disability, or Is She Just Too Fat To Walk To The Back of the Bus?

-       How Many Seconds Would it Take Me to Strangle that Screaming Child? (This one’s particularly fun if you have a mechanism with a stopwatch on your person, and a great imagination.)

-       What Would my Life Be Like if I Were One of the People Who Pick Their Lawyers Based Solely on the Fact That Their Ad Is Wrapped Around the Bus? 

-       How Violent Would I Be Willing To Get in Exchange for a Piece of Your Fried Chicken? 

Keep this list close at hand, and your bus ride home will never seem very long. Unless, of course, you lose any of these games. (Example: To lose "Who Farted?", the answer to that question has to be, with 100% certainty, "the guy standing next to my seat whose asshole is at the same height as my mouth" at least 3 times during one bus ride.)